Change your definition of JoY

This is a story about a lady. I will choose to not reveal her identity, let me call her Jenny. Jenny had a tough life. Her father died young. She had a controlling mother. She was married before she could even think about thinking of her life. Now she has a controlling husband. After that responsibilities took over, taking care of her husband, children, and in-laws took priority. She always sacrificed her wants and dreams to put her family's first.

You see, she is a splendid heart. She is beautiful inside and out. No matter what life throws at her (which it does often - She should have a million of bumper stickers on the back of her car that says "shit happens") she has a smile for everyone. She has this nature towards her that drives people to her. She has got the perfect personality.


But inside she suffers. She craves for stability in her unstable world (lot of bumper stickers I tell you). She craves for peace of mind. She needs space from all the people around her. Don't even get her started about her physical health problems. If only she could run away for couple of days to find sometime for herself, to heal physically and mostly mentally. If only she could.

Don't get me wrong, Jenny is a positive person. All of us could learn a few things from her. It’s just that people around her drive her crazy with negative words. She only craves for simple things. She wants a nice little home to call her own with her family. She wants to own a piece of land or property that will make her future or her children's future a little bit more certain. But her circumstances are not cooperating.

What can she do when life doesn't cooperate? What can she do to achieve joy from life when it seems unreachable? What can she do to stop people from throwing daggers at her? She needs them in her life, one can't break a relationship. She thinks, relationships no matter how dysfunctional should always be in her life. Relationships are important for her.

How about redefining the terms of joy? Maybe she can think about redefining the definition of joy. You know the saying... "Don't put your happiness on something, what if you never get it." For example, saying that I will be happy when I loose 30 pounds. What if it takes you 10 years to loose it or you never loose it! In both cases you won't have happiness until you achieve it, either 10 years or never. So why base your happiness on one thing. Happiness should never be after something or someone.
Jenny needs to redefine her joy. It’s not about getting it after the stability from life that she seems to need. It's not about getting it after the physical healing or mental healing she craves. It’s not about getting it from her husband or children. It's not about getting it after the daggers (thrown by people around her) stop. It's about finding it now within herself. (It's important to develop inner personality. It's important to change how you talk to yourself.) It's about telling yourself how to find joy on your own? It's about joy in playing (look at post Do YOU Play?), cooking for family, reading a nice book and whatever gives her enjoyment today! (Pss… for all the people who are thinking: is she saying "I don't have to think about tomorrow... can do whatever I want today", remember there is a difference between pleasure and enjoyment. Pleasure might have negative consequences, enjoyment almost always doesn't)