4 T's to a relationship

Recent trend is 'failed relationships.' Divorce rate is escalating. There is failure in parent-child relationship. Friendship is not the same as it used to be.

Here is my little wisdom on successfully maintaining a relationship. (My wisdom comes from merely observing my family's and other's relationship with each other) Let me call it Four T's for a great relationship.

1. Time
2. Talk
3. Touch
4. Treat

Time
----
* Each relationship requires time from both parties.
* It is important to take time out to spend with one another to maintain the relationship.

Talk
----
* Talk it out.
* You must have something in common to talk about to maintain the relationship
* Ask/Listen
* Talk about feelings (only if the other party is comfortable)
* Communicate, keep things simple
* Communicate even small issues. It's important to get the small things figured and solved immediately.

Touch
-----
* A pat in the back
* A hug
* Cuddle

Treat
-----
* Treat the other with praise
* Show your appreciation by your actions.
* Smile at them
* Example, treat them with a small ice-cream party just because you like them.

-DONE-

There are two faces to a penny

I have this friend. I can't really name her since she might read this, so let me call her Sophia.

Sophie seems sweet and caring. She is outgoing and entertaining. She has got it all. This is her face up.

She knows how to subtlety push people's button and seem innocent about it. She will make a small 'innocent' comment that is rude a hurtful and project innocence to herself.
My instincts tell me she is not innocent. When you confront her she covers by saying that she didn't mean it that way and that she is innocent in her words and that I should know her better. I guess I don’t. I love her hence I try to give her the benefit of the doubt, but my instincts tells me she is anything but.

You see Sophie is my long-term family friend. It used to bother me that she is this way. If she were a new acquaintance, I would dump her by now, but she is one of my family friends.

But now I have come to accept it and accept the fact that she will never change. Accept the fact that she will be around my life....Next time she brings out her other face, I will be ready and smart.

Stay Hungry | Stay Foolish

Word!

How crazy are you? (I mean in a good way)

They are many weird people in this world, but very few qualify as CRAZYYYYY. It's a real achievement! (Now, I don't mean insane crazy I mean fun crazy.) Do you take the weird opportunities or do you follow the 'normal' crowd.

What does Crazy mean?

Dictionary describes as....

1. Full of Cracks or flaws
2. Mad, insane
3. Being out of the ordinary
4. Distracted with desire or excitement

I am using crazy in the context of 1, 3, and 4 of definition above. To me crazy means anything that is not normal/norm/common. It means doing something different and something unexpected. Here is an example: Chenna Masala Curry! The recipe has been passed on to me from generations. I used to constantly make it in the certain way my mom taught me. One day I had a crazy idea and decided to experiment. My friends and family loved it. They want me to make it all the time now and want to know where I came up with the idea. My secret to the normal recipe is to add Italian sauce. Pretty Crazy huh… (You can try this with other dishes but not all of them will taste good.)

What does Normal mean anyway?

Dictionary describes as....

1. Conforming of a type, standard, or regular pattern
2. Occurring naturally
3. Of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development.

Normal is just average. It's not below but it's not above either. If people expect you to be normal and you expect yourself to be normal you will never develop further and hence will not grow.

Here is an idea: In order to be better than average you have to implement craziness.
Caution: While implementing this idea, please keep in mind that there is a fine line between crazy and insanity.

Happy for Ever and Ever

What is happiness? How do we find it? Everyone seems to be looking for it, including myself. I have seen lot of people who spend all their money to gain it. Do we gain it through vacation trips, alcohol, shopping and other materialistic experiences? Who knows maybe that is the way to achieve happiness!

But the way I see it, when we engage in these things we loose control of our minds. Our mind is focused on temporary pleasure. It is an un-human behavior. Aren't human's supposed to be intellectual hence letting mind wander into temporary bliss lead to animal like behavior and hence making happiness temporary (since as humans, by default we need intellectual stimulus to sustain) This un-human behavior does not lead to a permanent state of happiness.

Is there a permanent state of happiness? Most religions say there is? There is a concept of Bakthi in Hinduism where one can reach internal bliss. Buddhism speaks of Mahayana (salvation.) Etc. Is religion the answer to happiness? To me religion is too complicated to understand or practice in a day to day life. So how do I find happiness when religion puts me in the state of confusion?

Here is a thought...

If you were at a party and the host wanted to introduce you to a guy who is always happy. He has never been through any tough situation. He had everything in life: money, education, perfect parents, looks etc. He had it easy. Would you be interested in meeting this person to learn more about him? What if the host wanted to introduce you to a guy who had to go through rough spots in life? He had to climb the ladder slowly with set backs constantly. Who would you be more interested to meet?

Maybe life is not about having happiness every second of your life. If we were happy always then we would be boring for ourselves let along others. Maybe subconsciously we choose to be unhappy since we won’t want to be boring to ourselves. If there were permanent blissful happiness then we would not grow hence an intellectual stimulus, we would be animals never wanting to change, just reacting to situation. So wouldn’t you say non-happy moments are necessary to grow (basic human need) and hence lead to happiness since a basic human need is met?

Patience is the Virtue

If I have any short coming it has to be my lack of patience. (Yes I am mostly perfect otherwise)

Patience. is not my virtue. If I start something today, it has to be done today, whether it’s reading a new book, or taking a course, a new project or weight loss. I want to see the results now. I am trying to change this.

Of course it would take some time to learn this new trait called patience. Waiting… How does one wait gracefully? I am starting to learn this just now. For all the people, I drove insane with my constant nagging from frustration due to lack of tolerance. SORRY!

So here is to everything I learned about Patience. recently. (Note: It’s in no particular order, and therefore might not make sense. If this frustrates you, have some patience to read through my chaotic notes)

Webster’s Definition of patience:
patience is the ability to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset, or to persevere calmly when faced with difficulties.

Lesson Learned: Next time I exhibit these traits (personalities) i.e. annoyance, upset-ness or any non-calm natures, remind me about patience.

“patience and Mulberry leaf become a silk gown” – Chinese Proverb.

Lesson Learned: It takes time and energy to complete tasks.



Lesson Learned: You have to wait for your prayers to be answered. (According to Hinduism, sometimes you will have to wait for life times.)

I read this some where but can’t remember where….
“Suicide is nothing but lack of patience. If only the person who committed suicide waited a bit longer to calm himself/herself down. If only they waited, their situation could get better”

Lesson Learned: Impatience (lack of patience) could kill!

If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patience attention, than to any other talent. – Issac Newton

Lesson Learned: To achieve greatness one needs to have patience.


So here is the summary of what I learned so far
1. Next time I exhibit these traits (personalities) i.e. annoyance, upset-ness or any non-calm natures, remind me about Patience
2. You have to wait for your prayers to be answered. (According to Hinduism, sometimes you will have to wait for life times.)
3. Impatience (lack of patience) could kill!
4. To achieve greatness one needs to have patience

I still haven’t learned how to gain patience yet.

I can’t pray for it. If I pray for it, it might be answered in another life time or I would be given the opportunity to learn patience in this life time only. This just means that God will give me opportunities that would require me to wait and require being tolerant.

I can’t practice it. In order to learn patience, I have to be patient in the mean time to achieve it. Well, I kind of want it now.

Since impatience leads to lack of calmness, the reverse technique might work. That is calmness leads to patience. May be I need to do some Yoga to calm myself down. But I have no patience to yoga, its boring.

What else can I do to learn patience? This is frustrating and annoying. I am exhibiting the traits of impatience! I just need to be patient until I learn some successful patience techniques.

Childhood Issues

Every one says childhood is the best time of their lives. All adults recall the innocence and laughter and fun they have had as children. They despice being adults and wish to go back to their childhood days.

Its not that way for Jess. You see Jess had a very controlled, orthodox upbringing. (For the sake fo this person, I will leave her name out as well as her 'childhood issue') Jess still carries around the baggage into adulthood. The hurt she felt as a kid and the isecurity of being controlled still haunt her.

According to me what Jess doesn't seem to realize is this:
Childhood is ignorance
Oldage is good byes
Adulthood is the time to live.

Adulthood is where you have control of your life. You can dictate where you want to go, what you want to do and how you want to feel about your life. I have known so many people including Jess who try to make up for what they missed in their childhood by trying to overcome or overshadow their insecurities in life. Their entire personality is being defined by their childhood experiences and by the way their parents raised them. They blame their parents for all their problems. "I could be ______, if only my parents taught me how to" They start and end their lives in a blame cycle. It is their parent's fault that they are doomed to this life (It's a pity party. I heard it's not as fun party as it seems. If you have attented some, you know what I mean. Please try to avoid them. To be honest even I have attened some.)

As adults we have a choice to either be stuck in the past or change our lives. We have a choice to clean out the deomans in the closet that come with childhood. We have a choice to ignore our parent's short commings and focus on now and on us. We can choose to be happy despite our childhood issues.